Unfortunately...

Let's do a meme this fine Monday morning afternoon while I try to wake up. We've been staying up late to watch the Yankees vs. the Angels in the ALCS. I was rooting for the Yankees for the sake of my father and a handful of my friends; Tom rooted for the Angels out of sympathy for the underdogs and sheer stubbornness. Now he will most likely root for the Phillies, but he will use the excuse that he always roots for the National League if the Cardinals are not playing. Unless the NL team playing is the Braves, of course.

Here's how this particular meme works: Do a Google search on your first name preceded by the word "unfortunately". See what sort of results you get, and share the interesting ones. Here are a few of the better ones that came up for me.

• Unfortunately, Beth is married...but that won't discourage Kevin...

• Unfortunately, Beth had really just won a stay of execution.

• Unfortunately, Beth kept her clothes on.

• Unfortunately, Beth realizes she never appreciated her family enough after they are all killed in a car crash on their way to a Fourth of July picnic.

• Unfortunately, Beth still has the fever.

• Unfortunately, Beth maybe hearing from some ill-advised supporters looking to cash in on a election process.

• Unfortunately, Beth no longer wants Sarah to know that she is Bill.

• Unfortunately, Beth doesn't quite get the revenge she wants by the end of the book – though not for a lack of trying.

• Unfortunately, Beth had locked the door to our room and taken the key with her into the female shower cubicles.

• Unfortunately, Beth was a born klutz.

• Unfortunately, Beth has seen them, and she seems to be awakening.

• Unfortunately, Beth assumed my identity and went on my dream date instead.

I live quite the interesting little life, do I not?

Being Offensive Without Offending?

This summer I was cranky a lot. Many things were making me grouchy. All this was, no doubt, exacerbated by my lack of sleep and high pain levels.

Whenever I'd think about blogging this summer the only topics that came to mind were rants...rants with the potential of offending people. Lots of people out there, in real life and on the Internet, were doing things to make me mad. (Did you know that? Or did I manage to fake you out?)

One day inspiration struck. I would blog all my rants and give full voice to all the things bugging me...but I would "bleep" out all the identifying details. I would say things like "People who BLEEP in line at the BLEEP should be BLEEPED and BLEEPED."

This revolutionary idea (hey, I was sleepless, it was revolutionary) made me so happy. A huge burden was lifted from my blogging shoulders. Finally my blog would find its true niche. (You know, like "they" all say a blogger should find..."they" being the ones who've decided their blog's true niche is telling other people how to blog.)

I went to bed that night and rehearsed my next blog post in my mind as I tried to fall asleep. I ranted and raved in my head, and mentally backspaced and inserted a BLEEP as needed. I had enough material in mind for, oh, maybe six or seven posts at least! And what were the odds that people would STOP ticking me off and deprive me of material??

The next morning, after getting a little bit of sleep, I got up and thought about blogging. But, strangely, all the desire to rant was gone. Dang! How cliched can you get?! Did I just do the blogging equivalent of the old "write the letter, tell him everything he did to hurt you, and then throw it away without mailing it" shtick? My blog fodder, my Preciiooouusssss....I wants it...

Isn't this all too Aesop? Too sticky? Too Disney happy endings and we'll just live in the sea and I'll grow gills so we can be together?? Too Celine Dion ballad-y??

Coming up next time: Beautiful butterflies, soft kittens, rolypoly puppies, and sugar cookies.